Something I just said to my friend, Cecchine.

- Girls are attracted to guys with other girls attached to them because they're competitive, vindictive, animalistic sluts. -

I honestly believe this, but not with all girls. It's all a matter of context. Don't look at these last two posts and think I'm sexist because I'm not. Well, I try not to be. It's s fun, though.

Female Health & Nutrition (from personal observation)

Before you read on, I just want to state that this is VERY sexist. I apologize for any offense. 

This is a basic lay-out of, from what I have seen, what embodies the typical college female's nutrition and work-out routine. 

NUTRITION

Breakfast:  

 1/2 plain bagel (toasted) w/ 1/2 whiff of "I Can't Believe it's Not Butter", 3 grapes (substituted with either 1/3 apple, 1 bite of banana, or 13 watermelon seeds). Starbucks coffee.

Lunch: 

Salad with assorted day-old veggies. 2 croutons, Italian dressing. Glass of water, no ice. Starbucks coffee.

Dinner: 

Salad with famine-like proportions of poultry. 3 croutons, no dressing. Glass of water with ice. Possible dessert options: 1 bite of brownie, 1/2 cookie, 1 vegan-ice-cream-swirl-cone. Starbucks coffee.

Late Night Snack: 

7 shots. Chicken Finger platter (6-8 fingers, serving of Fries). Slice of pizza. Mozzarella sticks. More Fries (mooched from "BFF"). Starbucks coffee.

FITNESS ROUTINE

Monday - Friday : 

65 minutes, 0 resistance on elliptical machine (while reading COSMO/PEOPLE, or texting random, annoyed people). 198 crunches (couldn't do the last 2). 35 more minutes on elliptical. **

**Note: The more seasoned gym-rats may incorporate: 3x power squats, 3x biceps curls (with 1-5lb weights), and/or 2x jogging to the women's restroom (Natty Splatties).

Saturday - Sunday:

No physical activity whatsoever. Exception: stumbling around campus, overwhelmingly drunk before midnight. Passed out by 12:15am after calling every ex-boyfriend and pledging their undying, loyal, and still passionate love. 

Am I a horrible person? Hell, I don't think so at least. That counts for something, right?

Introduction

So you've probably read this site all over and wondered, "Jesus, who the hell is this kid?" Well, I "the hell" am Derek P. Might as well save the last name for now. 

I'm from Swarthmore, PA, a town about 10 minutes outside of Philadelphia. I call it Kill-adelphia. Some of my friends (Alfonso) would say that I "live in Bum-Fuck Philadelphia." That sentiment isn't far from actuality, as my fellow Philadelphians and I find pride in the fact that we're hated. We love to be hated. It means you're doing something right and pissing people off. How sick. 

I went to public high school. I loved it. Not necessarily the school part, but the blessing that every day I would walk into a zoo to learn. The exposure to diversity that public education provides is a great gift that those in private schools simply do not receive. Sucks for them. 

 I've played hockey all of my life. If my passions were a pizza, the hockey slice would easily be the one that really, really hungry ( or fat ) people would take.

I love to write (obviously). I've written poetry, prose, journal entries, essays, etc. all of my life. Sure, call it "gay," but you're the one reading it, aren't you? It's like calling air travel gay when you're currently en route to Cancun (SPRING BREAK '09 - FUCK YEAAAAAHHH, BRO!) from Boston. 

Speaking of Boston, I'm a Freshman at Boston University. Right now, I'm on a pretty clear path to dual-major in English and Film Production. (I'm not saying that to brag, it's just every damn time I bring up where I go to school, the next question in line is ALWAYS: "Oh, neat-o, what do you want to study?") 

I decided to put up a blog just to help funnel my ideas. Lucky you, you get to read them. 

Note: If you're looking for the latest gossip on the Jonas Brothers / Miley Cirus, pictures of my new cute puppy, gardening / cooking tips, do-it-yourself home improvement advice, or anything deceptively useless like that, please do yourself a favor and google-search: "things that waste my time." Any of those will tickle your fancy.  Granted, I am an 18 year old guy, but I also won't write about boobies, weed, keg stands, or fights I've been in. (Even though all of the previously mentioned are pretty sick, in my opinion.) That's where this blog isn't going. 

With that said, I'm not quite sure where this blog is going. So buckle up and pray that this baby's not going down in flames. (It probably is, though.)

The People Who Carve Messages onto the Walls of Bathroom Stalls...

I just want to meet the guy who brings a pen, pencil, knife, switchblade, katana, etc. into a bathroom with them with the oh-so-noble intentions of 1) writing a racist, homophobic, provincial message for all poopers to see, and 2) sitting on the can long enough to scratch out the phrase, "GEORGE WATCHES GAY PORN."

This is kind of a microcosm of the current problems of our time that I like to propose. If only this moron spent as much time reading the newspaper or, God forbid I say this (as an 18 year old), a NOVEL as opposed to thinking of the next potty-break insult to write in the restroom, we'd have one more scholar and one less vandal. It's a 2-point swing for the good guys. Squat on that. 

And PS: To whomever wrote that on the stall: don't be upset that you're a dumb-ass resorting to insulting "GEORGE" via stall-graffiti. And odds are "GEORGE" does not watch "GAY PORN," you're probably just upset that he might've gotten a better grade than you, one-upped you in a sporting event, or got with the girl that you lost your chance with 'cause you're an utter jackass. 

PPS: I wrote this while I was on the toilet. Baller Status.